Everyone gets 24 hours in a day.  Whether you're watching tv all day or running around trying to be 5 places at once and working 2 jobs, time passes at the exact same rate for both people.  In some manner, you're busy doing something - busy being lazy or busy being busy.  My point is nobody's not busy.  Being busy is not an excuse really for anything you just have to prioritize and choose what and where you want to spend you're time...  I'm a little lost.  I have too much to do and everything seems important.  Hope i'm not pouring my time and energy into the wrong thing...

Today i was thinking about the difference between boldness and confidence.  There's definitely a distinction between them.  Confidence is a state of being and boldness is not.  I remember my speech teacher told all those terrified of public speaking to just fake confidence.  One day you will be able to speak with confidence but until then just pretend you have it and keep doing it until it comes.  I think boldness takes confidence becuase you have to have confidence to decide to do something bold.  But you're not usually doing something bold with 100% confidence.  You wouldn't describe your action as bold if you were confident and comfortable with what you were doing.  When you're bold you're venturing out of your comfort zone and trying to do something you're not completely sure about.  I think as people we all fear the unknown.  Once you do something you've never done before though it just becomes easier next time.  Slowly you expand your circle of comfort of things you think you can do.  If we just did the things we did all the time, every day, life would be easy.  But you wouldn't really be challenging yourself and you wouldn't really be growing.  So in summary I think that's why I punish myself everyday.  But it's rewarding I think and I think I've grown a lot more as a person into someone i'd more like to be.

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Night out in nyc..

3:30am.  Crowded, bar.  Do these people not sleep? Everyone's wide awake.  Party's alive.  Clusters of guys in suits and girls in cocktail dresses.

Girl: nice meeting you. i'm going home.

Guy: Oh what? Already? It's still early.  Want to go eat?

Girl: Na. I'm not really feeling like eating. Thanks though.  Good night.

Guy: Oh where are you going then?

Girl: Home.

Guy: Oh can i come with you?

Girl: No.

Guy: Oh can i get your number?

Girl types in number into iphone and starts to leave.

Guy: wait you're just going to leave and i'm never going to see you again.

Girl: I gave you my number.  Call me.

Guy: No wait.  I'll come with you.  I'll drop you off.

I roll my eyes, politely smile and walk out quickly and jump into the nearest cab waiting outside. Send off a text to my friends.  Hey i'm out.  It was no joke guys in nyc are aggressive.  I thought people just said so because everyone here's always on the go, intense.  There's so much to do.  So many places to go.  You have to know what you want and go for it otherwise there's a crowd right behind you ready to trample all over you.  But what's the point of having 10 dates or 3 parties to choose from on a given night if none of them makes your heart skip a beat or stomach flip.  Wouldn't you rather just do the one or two things that are important and special to you.  Nothing seems to be rare here.  There's so many people and so many options, it feels like a never ending search for something better.  It seems like you're doing so much all the time but you also wake up one day and realize you're 35 and single and didn't really go anywhere you were just busy chasing around for something you're not really sure what it was afterall but there was so much to explore....